Sunday, April 19, 2015

Get You.

Some people will never "get you". Try not to spend eternity asking why. Sometimes there is just no connection. No matter what you do, you wont find one. Those people will continue to see you differently. So, you must cherish those who lift your soul. And while you are at it, surround yourself with people who lift you higher. There are always a few, you are just not looking around because you are concentrating too much on the people who will never "get you". The world is already filled with those who want to bring you down.

The most courageous decision you will ever make is to finally let go of whatever is hurting your heart and soul. Make it. Now is the time. Some things are heavy. You must let them go. It is not your burden to bear.

If someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls. Do not be one of those people.It's time to start living the life you always dreamed about.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Dream Fall.

I have been off chasing a dream.

Well, one of them anyway. And I am still not there yet. It is amazing how much energy and effort and dedication it takes to materialize anything. Makes me wonder that perhaps it's really because we don't want to put enough effort into our dreams that they never materialize. We imagine that there is always another day to work on it, that perhaps tomorrow, perhaps next month, I will put my act together and actually get to do what I really love. But we never really get to it.

Over time it becomes such an unattainable idea. We have dreamed it so many times that it no longer has any room in the real world because it would just never materialize as perfectly as it has in our minds. We will stumble and fall, and we will fail. We do.

I almost let a dream fall. I was ready to take an eraser to my soul, wipe the dream that I had carried for so long in my heart. The dream had lain dormant for so long that I felt like I no longer walked towards it. So, I was going to let it go. Then I realized that I had confused the stillness of everyday life with not wanting it anymore.

Now, I am trying to not let the real life get in the way of my dreaming.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Chaos.

Lately, the strongest urge I have to write is when I should be doing a thousand other things with my time. Things that cannot - should not be delayed. Things that are seemingly so important as to substantially change my life's direction. But will they? For years, I did not have the courage to find out. Now I'd like to try. I'd like to wait till the last minute before the deadline to submit my article. I'd like to try to find a new place without putting it in the GPS first. I'd like to risk not setting the alarm and still hope to wake up in the morning on time. I'd like to walk into the wilderness without any maps.

I kept twirling my reading glasses with on one of it's legs. I knew this would loosen the screws, perhaps completely ruin the glasses, but I didn't want to stop. The other day I put an alcohol-based perfume into a candle I was making just to spice things up. It spiced it up, alright. One word: FLAMMABLE. That candle turned into a firecracker in no time. It was awesome. I liked that little thrill. Sometimes I have to find out - find out what would happen if I microwave the egg for four more minutes (nothing good comes out of that!), sometimes I wait to see if the pot will overflow, if I can walk from my bedroom to my kitchen with my eyes closed and not bump into anything (yes I can!). If I can walk in my heels in two inches of snow without falling. If I can catch a snowflake on my tongue. If I can take that leap of faith, if I can risk that broken heart again.

The truth is, I like chaos, even if it is at a very minor level.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Magic in Life.

I have been dreaming again. You know, the forbidden kind. We are quick to blame the world. Someone - something must have done something that this terrible tragedy happened. Someone must have forbidden it on me to not dream. Something must have happened. I wondered about that for so long.

But really, it was me. I don't remember exactly when, but at some point, I forbade myself to dream. I don't know how but I settled for mediocrity. I took off my rose colored glasses and saw the world as it was and decided that dreaming wasn't worth it anymore. Things weren't going to get any better than they were and living in reality means accepting it. Eyes on the road, feet on the ground. Let's follow the path. Let's not make it. Let's not pretend like someday we'll be flown off our feet. Let's not give love too much thought. It is, but a dream. Let's hope that someone will take pity on us and walk with us for a while, and that would be enough.

The magic in life - the magic that makes you breathe and bleed, it is but an illusion. A child's play. A party trick. But God, almighty God, isn't that the most beautiful thing you have ever seen - ever felt? Dreaming about magic, dreaming about the possibility that you could be better than who you are right now, dreaming about a whiff of happiness. Dreaming that your life could matter. 

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

The New Year.

My year began with laughter – quite unexpectedly. We sat by the fireplace and shared memories and drank hot chocolate. We played board games that we hadn't played in a very long time and became immensely competitive. We shared photos we had taken throughout this year while the snow gently fell outside. We made mom laugh until she cried and took embarrassing photos of dad when he fell asleep on the couch. I made the worst peppermint mocha which everyone drank just to not make me feel bad. I read a little here and there when I had the chance – during early mornings with coffee, late at night with coffee, in between movie marathons, and when everyone took naps. Dylan got me a beautiful necklace and I promised to love him a little more this year.

I sat inside the porch a few nights watching the snow glowing in the moonlight, and wondered about how these moments and this life is so fleeting. Before we realize, it’s all a memory. The year-end and the new year; the fireplace and the snow. If I live long enough, my life would be so terribly different by the end of this year. There are things coming towards me and things I am running away form. There are changes happening everywhere, every moment. I tell myself that I can't always stop the changes but I can hope to do good, and be good. I hope that this year I write my story well.

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